DOUBLE O SPORTS

As the calendar rolls on, it’s Halloween weekend. It’s time for all things spooky and maccabe to be in the forefront. It’s also the weekend where I can walk around at night with blood on my shirt and no one will question me why. Will the ghosts of our past haunt us into reminding those among us if we are Eskimo brothers? Will mat survive another year after searching for the paranormal truth and dodging encounters with moth men, Sasquatch’s, and the Loveland frogman. How much candy will Jake steal from little kids this year while he shows off his new word art of ice shaved into his head? Will the rush of candy succumb to taco and snuggs into diabetic comas this year? Will drew, mark, and booso create a mystery machine team to investigate spooky happening in the area, only to unmask the “monster” and figure out it was old man Jason this whole time. Let’s all band together, AND NOT SEPARATE LIKE THOSE DUMMYS IN HORROR MOVIES DO. onto this week.

LEAGUE NOTES

To address the elephant in the room, I now have a majority stake in the All Gas No Breaks franchise… This means that for the next few weeks, I will be attempting to fix this subpar roster to be a playoff team, and or clean house and prepare for 2024. I let you all know that about all parts of this car can be traded except for the Hurts wagon. Other than that, we got no trades, and some waiver actions. The Tayson Hill trick or treat happened, as he scored points for a game, and now Rose thinks hes going to be worthy of a spot. Rob is hopeful for Kincaid having a larger role with buffalos losing their starting TE. Tom bought in to Murray getting more snaps (Although JCook went off, so that plan might not pan out) Other than that, Taco picked up Mingo again, and I wonder how many shitty trades he has been the centerpiece for now. Boosie swapped out Cardnal Tight Ends, and DALE started the rebuild with Clevelands kicker who is not going to collapse at some point this season, and the future in Tenn with QB Levis.

Since yall are not helping the coaches poll, the unofficial computer rankings are as follows – 

1 Bullish

623.61

2 RaDeal

604.89

3 TSAA

488.80

4 WaterBoy

434.41

5 RMC

380.31

6 TEU

356.86

7 BurrowCalfDonor

309.95

8 AGNB

291.53

9 UDP

281.56

10 OG

259.46

11 QBU Swiss

163.22

12 2C1K

101.49

It’s interesting to say the least… we may see about fixing the week two debacle of defenses to increase efficiency percentages 

Matchups

#1 Bullish [5-2] vs #4 Waterboy [3-4] 

-12 bullish

We got a couple of monsters of teams matching up as we expect points! Jason is wishing this was Friday the 13th as he wants to slay the competition. Both teams will be watching their dolphin wide outs to make sure they play. What will Kurt cousins so this week vs the struggle bus packers? What intrigues me for Drew is the super flex spot as he has two QBs still in his bench that should get double digit points. Remember to hide the sex crazed teens, because there is going to be a body count on this one.

#2 Ra Deal [5-2] vs #3 TSAA [5-2]

-20 Ra deal

Heavy weight battle with rankings, as the classic monster fight pits the mummy vs Frankenstein. With the ancheint powers of Egypt powering boosie, he could be matching on at full strength. A couple of players are questionable, but he should be going again for all the points. If he doesn’t though, this makeshift team of borrowed players parts could smash Ra deal. I mean, it’s crazy to think mat beat drew week 1. (Can’t wait for their rematch week 12). There will be plenty of screams I’m sure at these games.

#5 Rory McChokelroy [4-3] vs #11 Swiss cheese [2-5]

-5 RoryMC

MArk is starting to see the fruits of his labor as his team has started scoring high numbers. This week, he hopes his blades are sharp enough to prevent a nightmare on elm street as Rose hopes to get his crew all on a good week. Joey Brr looks to be back at full strength to set fire to the niners on a short week. Mark is hoping to keep clawing away with JT back, B hall running without snap counts, and the lions hopefully fully utilizing gibbs.

#6 Tight End U [4-3] vs # 10 Ohio Glory [4-3]

-5 TEU

Taco wants to play a game i’m sure as he is looking to see what jigsaw pieces he can put together before testing tom. Taco has been bleeding this season on a 3 game loosing streak. What may seem lost could be unlocked by this matchup. Tom has a broken Purdy, so he will be hoping that Daniel jones can play. The conditions may be treacherous Sunday as Tom’s team will be treading through trap games left and right. Lets see if Taco will be crushed again, or for whom it will be game over for.

#7 Burrow Calf donor [2-5] vs #8 All Gas No Breaks [3-4]

EVEN

Now, this might only excite fans of cult followings, but I think we have a terrifying matchup with Dale’s team ready to take down Wada. I know statistically, Wada only beats top rated teams, but I am the top dog, therefore I am on upset alert. Better put the town on lockdown, as we have several players highlighted from primetime games. Will Dales RWhite continue his top tier goalline snap rate? Will Jared Goff cause panic on MNF vs Jimmy G? Will there be anyone left to scream out in horror for the matchup of the bears dj moore vs chargers K Allen? Only time will tell, but make sure that time isnt after 2am because that is when things go bump in the night.

#9 Unsolicited Dak Pics [4-3] vs #12 2 coopers, 1 kupp [1-6]

-9 2K1C

Well well, Rob might get a win! In this found footage matchup, we are trying to understand what is happening for two teams that feel like their teams are in hell houses. I have to point out that Chris Olave of 2C1K might have an issue with LA cops after getting high speeding ticket on the bye week. Jake has been getting tons of ghostbusting practice this season on twitch, so I know he will handle any jumpscares with ease. However, you got to wonder at what point will Rob break and become a madman on the loose looking for bloody vengeance?

Look forward to having more conversations with you all for the second half of the season. I will gladly turn down most trade offers, and veto any trades. This week may also be the best time to announce my intent for a special league next year…. A Grim Reaper League. In addition to the League league, DP will be looking to create a guillotine fantasy game. The rules for this one are as follows. Draft a team either weekly, or at the beginning of the season… no keepers. But then its all about scoring. No head to head matchups, just outscore everyone to survive… the lowest scoring team is eliminated. Now, the players from the eliminated team are then added back to the draft pool, or all waivered. This happens until all teams are eliminated. So, yes the finals could be two powerhouse teams to be entertaining, but I hope you have picked up people wisely. I’ve heard of this done with more than 12 teams to keep it crazy and going on. I think the max would be 18 teams. I will be gathering interest for this in the future, because I dont know what platform i can commish this on. But, it will happen!!!

As war rages on, we look to the fallen and those who gave their all in this round of battles. Each of you commanders will regroup, and prepare for the trenches that the next round of conflict shall commence. I for one saw some interesting football as the colts almost used their blue people power to gallop past the browns… however they still couldn’t muster the horsepower. The Packers officially stink as Cheeto covered finger pointing is now happening in every direction. And after only watching the first half, I don’t understand the dolphins and I still think that Philly is a wagon. gGood Thing Hard Knocks in Season will be following Miami. Let’s look at the matchups and make heads and tails of it alll.

Week seven thoughts…

HOOD GOD, what a crazy weekend.  Good thing we don’t do a pickem league of survival pool. So many damn upsets. And the kickers this week sucked. The highest scoring fantasy kicker kicked for on 9 points!! 

How bout some of our coaches this week. The following achieves 100% efficiency: Drew, Boosie, and Wada!

#1 French Bulldogs make kibble of #6 Burrow Calf Donor

Well, We knew a streak was going to end in this one, and it turned out to be the goliath killer of Wada not getting the upset. Maybe it was the bye week, or the fact he was tricked into Family Fall crap, but he wasnt able to bring home the gold for MOTHA RUSSIA!! Derek Carr and Baltimore DEF led the way for BCD as projections held true as what his team could really do this week. The biggest takeaway was that Goff was throwing bogeys and could show true colors going forward.

Drew was able to use the finest grapes of all the vineyards in order to go off. Travis Kelce earns tops scoring honors for this weeks CANNONBALLER OF THE WEEK. TK scored 36 pts, Foreman score 33pts, and all other skilled spots outscored the opposition. This should be another week of Drew enjoying creme brule, baguettes, and other bistro crap. Take a macaroon and ‘Degage, J’seeaie de travaailler!’

#2 CA DEAL builds a northern wall to block out #5 TEU

Has Taco peaked too early? The strategy is not working for him due to the injuries, and now he cannot recover. Calvin Ridley dropped off like he has the under set on catches this season. And for some reason, all of these coveted players he has tried to trade away just couldnt produce for him this week. HMM. No matter what lineup Taco presented, it was going to be hard to beat off the mountee. Al Kamara leds with 29 pts, Josh Allen did 25 ptsn and k walker 3 got 13 pts. That was about it in comparing.

Boosie had great performances from receivers as st Brown got 23 pts, Puka shells Nacua got 23 pts, TJ Hockensockem robots grabbed 20 pts, and Saquad nailed 19 pts. The other side of lake Erie scored 20 pts for the canadians. We might be on a collision course here as these poutine fueled pussys are going to keep being a force this season. Maybe hockey will distract them enough to let everyone else get some wins.

#3 TaylorSwift PersianAccoustics drives up the price of oil, and almost beheads #12 2 Coopers, 1 Kupp

No luck for Rob this week, and hes most likely trying to think what to do… the explosions of his roster were not from a car bomb, but Patty o Mahomes with 35 pts! Russel Wilson was green in envy with 14 pts. O’lave also did a wee bit good too as he grabbed 13 pts. However, the Key players of this team fell off the cliffs of dover as Jacobs, Cooper, Kupp, and Ekeler all combined for about 24 pts. They were projected at close to 69 points.

The holy war continues as the prophet muhammad swift continues to make believers out of us all. Brown continues to be a menace as he scored 30 pts. Zeke scored! Jakobe Meyersput up 18 pts. This team just keeps finding ways to win. Of course, as is needed, this weeks blood sacrifice is both Christianity Watson and Chris GODwin.

MAMA MIA! #8 Rory McChokelwhatever upsets the soldiers and #4 Waterboy

Well, the tide rises and lowers, Jason wins and loses to stay afloat in the race for the playoffs. The usual obese hitters led the way with cheeta hill scoring 26pts, prime time Kurt cousins throwing for 22 pts, and courtland Sutton snagged nearly 20 pts.

Once again, strong performance, just a tough crowd as these wappers on marks team just steamrolled him. 200 points. Everyone scored real well except his te engram and his gay kicker. Jordan Addison looked dangerous on MNF, Lamar finally balled out, and the lions used Gibbs to his first round potential. Mark is now feeling like a Don munching on gnocchi, Prosciutto, and gelato.

#10 Ohio Glory rally’s the Axis powers to defeat # All gas, no breaks

Quotes provided by Englishman Winston Churchill.

If you’re going through hell, keep going. The German engineering powered their way to a win this week. Another brick in the waller showed up for 23pts. ETN also rushed for 23pts.

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

For Snuggs, it’s looking dire straights as this group is getting shitty MPG. He had hurts, and that’s about it. When asked for a comment on this team, he said he lost his smile. Whatever that means.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

#9 Unsolicited Dak Pics acts a bit cheeky, sends #11 Switzerland on holiday

This Icelandic bum of a team once again squandered the opportunity for winning. I hope the falcons are sued thanks to not listing Bijan on the injury report. The buccos connection of mayfield and evans was as bright as the northern lights for rose. Shout out Watson for throwing into negative points.

The aussies on the other hand took the cowboys by week, and didn’t get their jocks in a bunch. Mac jones! Scored almost 20 pts. The flock of ravens for Jake exploded for over 40. James cook and Mike Pittman even played well. The bung of it all was he didn’t even play a kicker! Awww biscuits.

That’s it for this week. I’m negotiating some things right now and may have updates in the chat. Also, I am trying to get ahold of the dr in order to get projections added for points. Might cost me a few bit coins for that to happen.